community: com-mu-ni-ty [kuh-myoo-ni-tee] --noun: a social group of any size whose members reside in a specificlocality, share government, and often have a commoncultural and historical heritage.
An old African proverb says, "It takes a village to raise a child."
A while back, I was reading a debate that revolved around this well-known proverb, and it has been on my mind ever since. You see, the general opinion in the debate was that the idea of needing a village to raise a child was obsolete. A majority of the women even felt that the idea was insulting and somehow reduced the importance and value of parents. They were perfectly capable of raising their children on their own, thank you very much, and did not want anyone else to receive the credit for all of their hard work.
I disagree. Now, don't get me wrong, I put an extraordinary amount of time and effort and thought and love into raising my son, and I want acknowledgment as his mother for the work I do. However, I have surrounded myself with a strong community of people who love my son and care for my son and yes, RAISE my son alongside me. While I am with him a great majority of the time, he is influenced by so many of the people in our lives. His grandparents, uncle, aunt, aunties, my friends and their children all play a major role in his development and upbringing, and honestly, I would not have it any other way.
To isolate myself in the child raising process would only do a disservice to myself and to Max. The community of people around us offers a wealth of knowledge, love, support, and skills that I could never match on my own. At Christmas, my dad was teaching my soon to be sister-in-law how to play cribbage, and someday, he will teach Max. Though I have learned many times, I have no idea how to play the game. Without his Grandpa, Max would never have access to that, and much more, knowledge. Going deeper, Max will learn so much from the other people in his life. His uncle will teach him how to be a strong man, but still be sensitive and caring. He will teach him how to throw a football and how to catch the girl of his dreams.
Before Max was even a thought, my friend Susanna told me how she formed a community, an extended family, if you will, for herself and her family when she first moved to Michigan. While it wasn't necessarily meant to be advice, it was an anecdote I won't soon forget. She has become a huge part of my and Max's community, and I am thankful for it. She is my sounding board, my support network, and she loves my baby. I trust her with his care maybe even more than I trust myself. Between Susanna, my own mother, and my other mommy friends, I am constantly asking someone a question about what to do with this, or how to do that, or when their child did this other thing. While I might be able to get by without their advice and wisdom, I need it for my sanity and security. Maybe I could raise Max in a vacuum, but the community that surrounds us makes life easier, better, and much more fun.
Love and Cupcakes,
Momma Amy
P.S. I do not believe that my need for a community is more or less strong because I am a single momma. I truly believe that no matter what the parenting situation of a child allowing other people to be involved in his or her life only makes for richer and more diverse experiences and opportunities.
